Martina Ziewe

                   On train in West Sussex

I was born in Shoreham-by-Sea, grew up in Worthing. 

I left home when I was 19 to go to university in Kingston. After graduating I lived and worked in the halls of residence for the summer then moved to London. First place was a scuzzy flat in Whitechapel in a Bangladeshi neighbourhood, 30 seconds from Brick Lane. We signed the contract in a Burger King in Islington, that set the tone. I remember opening a cupboard door and the whole thing fell off the wall and everything slid diagonally to the left crashing violently, it was like being on a ship or the stage set of The Young Ones. The boiler constantly broke, we used a gas and electirc key which we often forgot to top up. Our land lord was unreachable and when we finally managed to get hold of him he’d come up with unconvincing excuses like “sorry I got hit by a bus.” So it was cheap and that’s what we wanted. I lived with Hannah and Louis who I met on the Fine Art Degree.

The following summer Hannah and I managed to save a little and took ourselves to Spain then travelled across the USA for 2 months, from New York to Nevada on Grey Hound buses and Amtrack trains. I lived off a grand for the whole trip just by the skin of my teeth.

I moved back to Worthing with my folks for about 9 months, my gran lived with them and my uncle moved in too, as he was dying of lung cancer, we came together to support one another until he died. 

I then moved back to London in 2007, stayed with friends for a couple of months until I found a group of artists who I moved in with in a warehouse in Hackney Wick, it had an enormous open studio where we all worked. There were about 8-12 of us living there at any given time.  We gutted it and built the wall partitions to make our bedrooms, there was no heating, which was really tough in winter, it felt like sleeping in a car park, I slept in a hat and scarf with 2 hot water bottles, one for my feet and one for my belly with 2 duvets. There was a mouldy shower and the most unhygenic kitchen. The warehouse overlooked the canal and the site where the olympic stadium was being built. We had group crits, life drawing evenings, projected films on the huge walls, held group exhibitions, we participated in Hackney Wicked Festival, and collaborated on work together. There were parties. I was there for 2 years when the time came to move on. 

I couch surfed for a couple of months until I found the next place. A lovely two bed flat in Hackney Central where I have been living the last 5.5 years. Hackney was like a proper home for me and I loved living with just one flat mate. I finally had heating which was like the biggest luxury ever. Four different people lived there over those years. The last couple of years, I shared with Woody, we made the front room into a studio where we could work til the late hours riffing off one another, making work together and generally playing. There was wine and music. I loved that flat and our time together there. 

I had been considering leaving London for the last couple of years. The struggle of living hand to mouth on the earnings I was on, never being able to save and the rising rent prices every year. This slowly started pushing a lot of people to the outskirts or out of London altogether to find alternative affordable places to live. This included a lot of friends who were also increasingly frustrated with various aspects of London and the ever growing gentrification process.

I went up to Edinburgh in 2012 and was considering moving there. It was winter, so freezing that it made me angry which ruled out the possibility instantly. I couldn’t bare it and realised I didn’t want to be that far away from my loved ones. Scotland has since remained a place I retreat to when I need time in nature.

I researched living in Bristol with a visit last year where many friends had moved to from London. But it didn’t feel the right place for me. I considered for a while moving to Brighton, as every time I come home, with Worthing being down the road I would always go straight to Brighton to see friends. I  have a very strong link and pull towards it as a place.

At one point I was keen on the idea of moving to Berlin, as I’m half German and thought it could be a fresh new start, I also have friends there and it could be a bold step to shake things up a bit.

All in all I was in London about 10 years. I left London in May this year not knowing where I would end up living. I just knew I wanted a big change and to flick all the switches at once. Work, home, city, all of it. Change.

My plan was simply to be completely open to what was in front of me to what life presents, to trust in life unfolding instead of trying to shape and control it too much. I slowly said goodbye to the clients I had spent many years building up, my beloved Hackney Central flat and sweet flat mate, my friends and my deep connection to London and its culture. My relationship to London is deep and strong and will always remain, but I didn’t want to live there anymore. I had done my time. I spent my most formative years there, from 23-32. The over crowding getting worse on public transport, the close proximity of people and constant stimulus was unhealthy. I needed space and time in a more natural place.

I came to the conclusion, that what I would spend living for a couple of months simply just getting by in London, that I could, for that same amount, 2 thousand, I could leave everything and go on an adventure to shake things up. I would leave and embrace the not knowing where I’ll end up part. I spent much of 2015 making this one of my main projects.

So I left my flat on 1st May, which was the deadline I set myself. I couch surfed with friends.

On the 1st June I headed to France with Hannah. The adventure began. We started on The Camino De Santiago pilgrimage together across Northern Spain. She was with me for 10 days, of which 6 were spent walking. Once she left to fly back to the UK, I carried on and the real personal journey began. (I plan on writing a blog on this here in the near future). I managed to walk the entire 775km of the pilgrimage in 30 days, I was in Spain for 5 weeks. 

I spent 6 months travelling all in all. I went to a festival in Denmark. I volunteered in different communities in the UK, spent quite a bit of time in Scotland. Most of this period was indeed, spent in nature. There was a lot of writing, photography, walking and meditating. I worked in various places and communities in exchange for food and a bed. I had enough to tie me over to get from A to B. It was a fine art and I lasted until a couple of weeks ago ( I worked for money for only 1 month of this period) when I came back to stay with my folks. 

By this point I had thought I would end up moving to Brighton after a few months touching base at home. 

But an unexpected change of personal circumstances and an outside opportunity means that it looks like I will actually be living in Worthing now. This is something I didn’t see coming and I am going with it and currently getting my head around.

The last place I thought I would live turns out to be the place I left 13 years ago. 

So I have come home. 

Who knows what will happen in the next year, let alone the next 5 years. There is always the missing part of the jigsaw, tha parts that you don’t know are coming. The people you meet, the life events that unfold. The influences around you.

Because of the amount of life experiences I’ve had since leaving home, when I walk down the old street of little terraced houses where I grew up in Broadwater I feel huge. My mind has expanded and changed. It’s like coming back to a toy town. 

So now, here I am. Back where I started. I am going to gradually set up a new life for myself down here again unexpectedly. Get work, new clients, create, work hard, make new friends and reconnect to old ones. 

Today I find myself feeling a new sense of appreciation for where I grew up. What a beautiful part of the country it is. When I need a break from working indoors, writing and looking for work again, I take myself off quietly for a walk, which is what a lot of 2015 has been about, walking. The beach is just 15 minutes away. 

The open sea, November 30th 2015

I am hit by the openness of the space before me when I look out. The dramatic waves, the grey sky, the fresh air, the sea breeze. I love it. 

There are obviously fewer people, than what I’m used to in London. I have space around me that I could not get in London, being in such close proximity to one another.

I am using this period as a time to hiberate for the winter and gather myself for the new. I am determined to be more prolific in my work. It is about hard work and focusing. It is a time where I can get on with my own projects build things up from scratch using all my experience to decide what happens next. It is not about Worthing as a cool place to live, as that is just not the case. You do have to leave for that. It is about the sea and the sound of the sea gulls.  I am not going to pretend that the main thing Worthing has going for it is that it’s near Brighton. As a place to lay my head at night, to walk by the sea, to work hard and to pay cheaper rent, yes to Worthing, 25 mins from it’s big sis Brighton I can handle.

I will visit London fairly regulalrly keeping my contacts there and getting my culture hits, see the odd old client. I will go to Brighton regualrly as this will be a life line to socialising with friends. I also hope to get work in Brighton. I like that am I am not living in Brighton because it means I can enjoy visiting it regularly but without the rent which is ever increasing. So I get the best of both worlds.

Living back in Worthing this time, unexpectedly, does feel like a coming home, it’s familiar, but with renewed purpose and possibilities. 

Right now I appreciate shelter, warmth, family, meeting old friends, grounding and having the space to create the next phase of my life and again be open to who comes into my life. To all my friends living in London and thinking of leaving. I seriously would consider moving to Worthing. I live a few minutes from the station which gets you to London in an hour and a half and Brighton in 25 minutes. Living here is not as expensive as either of those places. I guarantee that in the next couple of years there’ll be articles in the likes of The Sunday Times magazine or Guardian supplement and all those cocky papers on why you should move down here. But I just wanted to say it on here first! 

Also to my friends, if you want a break by the sea, come visit me, I’m ready for you. Maybe you are thinking of relocating and researching other possibilities too, so come do some of your own research into other options. There is life outside of London, life goes on. It is hard to feel pushed out. But there are alternatives. 

It is OK and the air is fresh.

See you soon.

Here are some photos I took on the windy atmospheric walk along the coast today. 

This autumn on my travels I read Laurie Lee’s ‘I Can’t Stay long’, a collection of essays and stories, in which there is a five page piece called ‘Charm’ which I found, as you may suspect, utterly charming. 

Here are some favourite parts that I underlined...

It opens with:

“Charm is the ultimate seduction, against which there are few defences. If you’ve got it, you need almost nothing else, neither money, looks nor pedigree. It’s a gift, only given to give away, and the more used the more there is.”

And continues with these most excellent ones…

“Real charm is dynamic, an enveloping spell which mysteriously enslaves the senses. It is an inner light, fed on reservoirs of benevolence which well up like a thermal spring”

“You recognise charm by the feeling you get in its presence. You know who has it”

“Apart from the ability to listen -  rarest of all human virtues and most difficult to sustain without vagueness - apart from warmth, sensitivity, and the power to please, what else is there visible? A generosity, I suppose, which makes no demands, a transaction which strikes no bargains, which doesn’t hold itself back till you’ve filled up a test-card making it clear that you’re in trouble.”

“It reveals itself also in a sense of ease, in casual but perfect manners, and often in a form of serenity of mind. Any person with it is more than just a popular fellow, he is a social healer.”

“But charm, in the end, is flesh and blood, a most potent act of behaviour, the laying down of a carpet by one person for another to give his existence a moment of honour”

“Charm is the rarest, least used, and most invincible of powers, which can capture in a single glance. It is close to love in that it moves without force, bearing gifts like growth of daylight”

And finally, culminates in this line:

“In the armoury of man, charm is the enchanted dart, light and subtle as a hummingbird. But it is deceptive in one thing - like a sense of humour, if you think you’ve got it, you probably haven’t.”

He knew. Old Laurie Lee. Oh how I love his words.

Reading Lee’s personal analysis of this wonderful human quality inspired me to write on charisma, another marvellous quality some human beings are graced with posessing.

One definition of charisma is

1. A special personal quality or power of an individual making him capable of influencing or inspiring large numbers of people

2. a quality inherent in a thing which inspires great enthusiasm and devotion

Listening to Russell Brand talk a few years ago, who personally, I find incredibly charismatic, he quoted Quentin Crisp on what charisma is:

“Charisma is the ability to influence without logic”

Like charm, I’m not convinced charisma is something you can try to possess. One can’t practise becoming more charismatic, well of course you can try, but am not sure you will entirely succeed. This makes me instantly think of angry or frustrated Buddhists I’ve met in my life who refer to themselves as Buddhists. Better, perhaps not to claim to be one. Leave that to others to decide? 

There are tons of self help guides out there on this kind of stuff. Entrepreneurs and Life Coaches who wrote books in the 90s, when Anthony Robbins and Wayne Dyer were novel and new. There are numerous  articles or tips listed online about how to be charismatic. But that’s a bit lame isn’t it? Not real. 

Like when you see people reading these books in public on the underground. Reminds me of the phrase, ‘don’t air your dirty laundry in public’. If you’re going to read ‘How to win friends and influence people’ maybe start by doing so quietly and furthermore, alone. 

Some people have just got it, charisma, quite naturally, like charm. It’s odd when you can feel someone trying to be something they are not. Just as it is utterly strange when you can see someone sitting in front of you whose read somewhere that mirroring your body language will make you like them, or when they lightly touch your elbow when ‘practising flirting’.  It’s not natural because its orchestrated which means it is inauthentic. Better to be real, allowing things to happen. So if magnetic qualities like charm and charisma are a gift, of grace, a natural quality a person posesses within and therefore shares by simply being…Maybe now I am getting somewhere…

In simply being.

What are some of the qualities that makes up charisma? 

Presence is key, as is warmth, the ability to listen, a certain quiet confidence, the ability to share vulnerability, humour and more.

Charisma. It’s almost onomatopoeic depending on how you say it, maybe in a New York 1950s gangster accent, or with empahasis on its metre.

I can visualise it in colours. Bright and expansive. It’s energetic, vibrant, present to the vitality of the moment. A slight urgency of living. Of being human and beyond. It shares and reaches out. It is positivity and pure possibility. All the good stuff. 

Authenticity is everything to the quality of charisma. In fact Authenticity, is everything. I could write about that too.

One quote I want to end this little piece of little thoughts with is one I find continually life enhancing. When I try out what it suggests my life transforms instantaneously. Every interaction becomes so utterly potent, genuine and most of all tender. Instantly kinder and loving. It is this beast of a quote, said by someone called Og Mandino. Check it out:

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

Feel the feeling of charm and charisma arise simply by being, the interactions that follow are so much more real and beautiful. Refined and authentic.

Never mind what you are or what you’rd like to be. I have never much cared for the term ’self improvement’. 

No to Self improvement. Yes to Self Revealing.  In being. Revealing. Charming, charismatic, authentic. Real. True. 

Listen carefully to others,  pay close attention. Take the focus away from yourself, of trying to be this or that kind of person, better than, or more than. Or ‘growing’ as a person.

Simply listening and being with who is infront of you, truly in the moment and the charm of being whole heartedly human, let’s honour eachother and see how our relationships and lives enhance every day together.

A few qualities to think about, a few quotes to mull over.